Bye/Hi


I had to write tonight of course.

 

Not to make excuses for not writing before now but to personally mark this night. The last night of my thirties.

 

I don’t want to be lengthy or political or poetic or anything. I just need to say some personal things that I hope I ย remember later.

 

My thirties – now that I look back on them – were surprisingly like a second adolescence. A lot of insecurities and doubts. A constant struggle with my self image and my inability to accept a life that really wasn’t how I imagined it would be while I was still in my real teens.

 

As tomorrow approaches along with my 40th year mark, I’m rethinking a few things.
These days I feel like if there were things I couldn’t accept about myself or my life these last 10 years – maybe it’s because I could stand to be more broad minded. And less judgmental. And maybe that’s something I can work on over the next ten years (granted I get them, of course).

 

On my 30th birthday I told everyone that would listen how unbothered I was to be leaving my 20s and how I was saying goodbye to uncertainties and hello to the new confident thirty something me. It was all bluffing of course.

 

I was terrified. I had no job, my then relationship had reached a stalemate and I was soon leaving the country I’d lived in for almost a decade to try my luck back home. I was made of fear and I was even more scared to acknowledge it.

 

If I had to pin point a difference between then and now I’d say at least now I get that fear comes with the territory. Now I can admit to it and that’s ok as long as I don’t necessarily give in to it.

 

Bluffing is ok too. It’s just one more way of trying to get from A to B. Sometimes I fake it till I make it or I don’t make it and then I try another way.

 

Other thoughts.

 

I have a little girl who will turn 5 this year and she’s amazing.

 

Amazing.

 

My hair has gone a bit silver in front and it’s actually pretty.

 

I found out this year that I have high blood pressure and that’s been the push I needed to start being more conscious of how I treat my body and mind every day.

 

Changing my life habits and making healthier ones – bruh…. such a battle and I lose more times than I win. But it’s a good battle and the few wins are worth every single loss so there’s that.

 

My life partner is my best friend. Even when we squabble. He’s been my safe place and I’ve needed one.

 

I really need to make more of an effort to spend time with my folks and siblings. For real, introvert or not, I need to do better.

 

My other battle – the battle with my self and my fear when it comes to writing – still rages which is good because fighting is better than dead.

 

But winning is nicest of all so over the next decade I’ll work on that too.

 

This wasn’t supposed to be long. I still surprise myself. I’m just getting to know myself.

 

So yeah… it’s Saturday 7/7/17, 9:27pm and I have a deadline I need to meet for Sunday so I’m going to stop here.

 

This 39 going on 40 moment was brought to you by my ever reliable mental gymnast friend, Procrastination.

 

*peace sign*

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Am I the slowest writer in the world?

Yes.

I probably am.

And I have the receipts to make that claim but thankfully I also have too much of a sense of shame to share them with you.

Either way, today as we officially enter the era of Trump *shudders*, I thought I should probably get off my behind and let you all know what I’ve been doing instead of updating DYRM ๐Ÿ™‚

  1. Being a Mom and (believe me I use this term very loosely as I am extremely bad at it) a house wife. My baby has become a little person of 3 going on 4 full of observations and questions, not all of which I’m even qualified to answer. I have learned to sometimes just say, “yeah, I really don’t know” and I think (hope) she respects that?ย  She has strong ideas and an independent mindset which means she never accepts anything I tell her at face value and has sometimes in fact re-educated me. She’s so cool, I don’t even know where she comes from. Anyway, there’s that.
  2. Traffic. That’s right, traffic. This is where I spend a good portion of my week. When I’m not suppressing rage, this is also when I get some of my best ideas that I will never remember after I get where I’m going. My other places my best ideas come to me include respectively – on the toilet, in the shower, standing in line at supermarkets and just before I fall asleep.
  3. Kpop Twitter. I am actually afraid to say how much time I spend here because it could probably get me committed but on the plus side I can answer almost any question you have on KPop; what it is, how to pronounce Psy (it’s Sah -y), What is Gangnam Style exactly, what is a G Dragon – let me be your Kpop friend!
  4. Writing! Ah ha! Bet you thought this wouldn’t be on the list! Understandable considering I haven’t been updating. But I have been writing, just not for myself. I’ve been writing for television which is something I used to do fairly often before I struck out on my own and started this blog. I do it to pay bills but also because it’s a bit of a challenge adapting my style to working with other writers in a team and also just working in the area of the Nigerian TV story. I can’t tell you much about it right now except that what I’m working on is a new show for a Cable network. It’s only just being casted so production hasn’t even started. I’ll spill once it starts to air!
  5. Thinking deeply about the goals I want to accomplish as a writer. Who do I want to be? What do I want to write? Who am I writing for? What characters and stories resonate with me the most? And for my current personal project, DYRM, where I want it to go.
  6. Reading. Always reading. Forever reading. On wattpad, on webtoons, from my packed iBooks library, from manga repositories, on Asian Fanfics and an Archive of our Own, the story consumption pauses but never, ever, quite stops. I’ve always said that before a writer, I am a bookworm.

And that’s the majority of it. But none of it changes the fact that I am a very, very, very slow writer and I am awfully sorry for it.

Thanks for your patience so far and I really hope to be picking up where we left off sooner rather than later.

 

Indigo Radio is on Wattpad!!

The platform invasion continues!

Now I have a station on Wattpad too so if you’re a part of that vibrant community, please drop by and show me love here!

And I found this ill art by (I believe) Sit Haiiro(SIT)… and mocked up a book cover for “I Am Abiku” which is the first story I’m re-publishing there!

I AM ABIKU cover

What do you think!?

 

Sorry for the Radio Silence…

I keep dragging this Radio/Broadcast metaphor, don’t I? Will I ever get tired of it? Who even knows?! Ah ha ha -ahem. Anyways.

Apologies for the sudden silence. Summer Holidays struck and (me being the blue chip Mom that I am) took me completely by surprise so I’m still reeling from having all the energy my daughter usually expends at school suddenly redirected towards me!

The first edition of the newsletter, The Indigo Radio Broadcast Club is currently in the works! It’s gonna contain the Finale of my channel 1 broadcast: I Am Abiku! I’m taking my time because I want it to be good and I mean to start off well.

In other news, there is now a Whatsapp version of the Broadcast Club on which I am airing channel 2’s series #DYRM. We are currently on episode 3 but will soon be caught up with – ah – the semi regular broadcast schedule of every Thursday. 

This is a special broadcast for me because you can only get on the list if I have your number and you get the episodes as messages from me and can respond directly to me about each one!! So personal!!!! 

If this is an arrangement you like you can always pop me a mail at indigoradiofm@gmail.com and I’ll go ahead and add you. I can assure you I will not be using your number for anything else as I am an introverted hermit.
I will also be opening up a new category on the blog called “Sessions” that will be about sharing the work of fellow online writers I admire.

But first – Summer School!!!

Hope you’re all having a great one. Enjoy this gorgeous summer bop from the continuously amazing Wonder Girls ๐ŸŒž๐ŸŒด๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘ฏ๐Ÿ‘ฏ๐Ÿ˜๐ŸŒด๐ŸŒด๐ŸŒž

Indigo Radio xx

There should have been a post today –

And I’m real sorry that there wasn’t! I’ve had to push forward the next instalment for #dyrm because I’m helping plan an event this week and it’s ended up taking up way more of my time than I expected it to ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Expect news of a posting schedule for both stories by next week as well as some light restructuring of the blog to make it easier to navigate!

Thank you so much for putting up with me while I try to get this right.

Your humbled writer,

Indigo Radio
Ps. As a way of saying sorry how about some lovely KPop? These teenage siblings are called Akdong Musician or AkMu for short and their genre is funk/jazz/folk.

They just released a half album (don’t ask I still don’t know) called “Spring” which is actually literally a breath of fresh air.

I like to use their title track “How People Move” to get me going on extra tough mornings.